Hello world!
Well June 14th, 2014, Amanda and I celebrated one year of marriage. This last year hasn't been perfect, but it's been perfect in love. We have laughed, we have cried, I think we fought a couple of times, and we were busy. I wanted to create a list of 5 things I have learned in our first year of marriage to share with you, I'll have Amanda do her's also and post. This list is partly for you to hear how we have spent our first year of marriage, but is also partly about the world understanding that our marriage as a same-sex couple is as normal as any opposite-sex marriage. I hope you enjoy this, you may laugh, you may cry, and you ask, "What?" but I hope you just have fun.
1. Sharing isn't always caring: I love to share about my day when I get home to Amanda, or share something funny, or even share something stupid with her. Most of the time, Amanda is open to it. Sometimes, not so much. Sharing is caring with your spouse when you share something that you love about them, or enjoy an activity together. Sharing is not caring with your spouse when you get home and tell them how you opened a body bag and blood went everywhere (Just a reminder, I work as a chaplain at a hospital.) I explained, in detail, everything. Amanda did NOT enjoy that moment. Marriage is learning when to share and when not to share.
2. Have fun: My job is very stressful and busy. I need to have fun to off set the death and grief that I deal with daily. This first year, we have learned to have fun. Fun has been anything from a quick trip out hiking, to playing a game at home, to watching silly youtube videos, to playing Cards Against Humanity. Having fun has been fun and great for our soul.
3. It's okay to cry with each other: As some may know, we have been trying to get pregnant since October of 2014 with no success. In this process, we have spent over $7,000 with no luck. We had one month in which we thought we had it after two consecutive days of a faint positive on a pregnancy test. A day later, it went negative. This is what is called a chemical pregnancy and typically occurs when the egg is fertilized but doesn't implant. We were crushed, to say the least. Many tears were shed by us both. Anger and hurt were in abundance. We grieve every month when we don't get a positive, grieve every time a friend announces their pregnancy on facebook, and grieve even as we celebrate with friends and family who add to their family. We have learned to not hold our tears in but to share them with each other in a sacred moment.
4. What you may think is in best interest for your relationship, isn't always: This one I actually just learned last night. I have recently gone through a schedule change at my job and instead of working 8am to 4pm Monday through Friday, I'm working some weekdays from noon to 8pm. This has been the first week of the new schedule. I have missed being home when Amanda got home and having dinner together with her. Last night while we were out for dinner, we started talking about the schedule. I told her I had brought up to my supervisor the inconvenience of the schedule that it causes for families. Amanda told me, "It's only an inconvenience to you, I actually like it." I was like, "Hold the phone, what?" She preceded to tell me that she liked me not being home when she got home because it gave her some alone and quiet time before I got home. She has been able to get chores done when she gets home and take her time with cooking dinner. What I thought as an inconvenience, was only an inconvenience to me.
5. Pray: Prayer has been important for me my entire life. I pray daily at my job for people who are in all different walks of life. One thing I do daily, that Amanda doesn't even know about, is I pray daily for her. Each day I pray that she feels loved; my love for her, the love her parents have for her, and the love God has for her. On some occasions I pray for specific things, like the day I prayed she wouldn't kill me when she found out I rescued 4 new born kittens who had been dumped. Or when she has been sick, I pray for her healing. Praying for her has humbled me because I have realized that Amanda may be my wife, but she is not mine. I don't own Amanda, I didn't create her, I don't have control over, but I have been blessed that she has chosen to spend the rest of her life here on earth with me. She picked me, the girl who puts on wrinkled clothes to go to work, laughs every time the story of Lazarus coming out of the tomb is read in church, and the girl who takes her socks off in the kitchen and forgets them there. Everyday I thank God that she is still putting up with me, loving me, and allowing me to be on this journey with her, loving her each step of the way.
No comments:
Post a Comment